Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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