i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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