and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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