Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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