I faked an abortion last night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
