their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize