he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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