I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
