You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Randomize
