Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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