he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
