She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize