before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
