i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
