All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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