we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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