It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he thought i was a dude.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize