You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
