Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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