did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
