You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize