So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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