I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
