best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
