does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
