i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
