Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
