i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
