i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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