you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
