Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
