started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
