Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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