He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
