apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
