hotel room ftw
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
