I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize