But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
