if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Are my feet made of real feet?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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