dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
