I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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