Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
