And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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