I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
