Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He? As in you personified your dick?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
