I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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