are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
