i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
