guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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