Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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