Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
