watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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