I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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