Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize