I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
