3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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