oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Someone signed my nipple.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
