last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
