how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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