The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
the room spins SO much faster in panama
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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