Where is the hickey?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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