cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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