He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
