Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize