I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
