I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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