Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
