No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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